Tiger Tragedy

For Christmas, JB's mom sent our dogs a stocking full of fun dog toys. Toys that squeaked, bounced, could be retrieved, or hidden in the backyard. Immediately, Bender chose a favorite, the stuffed Tiger. Tiger has a squeaker in his stomach, which provides hours of amusement. However, Tiger is also plushy, which appeals to Bender's demon destructive side. Within five minutes of picking up Tiger, he immediately began to pull out his beard, leaving white puffs of synthetic fur all around the living room of further proof of his manliness. My solution was to sneak Tiger away and trim the beard to an unpullable length. Problem solved, right? Wrong. This is what I came out to this morning . . .

Poor, poor Tiger. He was lying face down from the shame of being De-tailed, I just know it. As I was rushed for time, I picked him up and set him on the counter, before Bender saw me. You can't see it from the picture, but I was worried that if I just left him out, that he would be disemboweled via the small butthole that Bender had wrought him. I also saved the tail, but without putting it on ice, because it was obvious that the detachment had been too long, and that it couldn't be re-attached. Why did I save it, you ask? Because I'm macabre! But with toys!
Later today, after order Chinese food for strength, I decided to attempt surgery on Tiger, to repair his new orifice. Here's an example of why I hid him from Bender in the first place.








This is clearly the carnivorous dance of joy, complete with head shaking, jumping, and licking of chops. This is what happens when Bender sees something he wants to pulverize.

So, I set about repairing Tiger. As I said before, the tail could not be saved. After a quick operation, Tiger was less one orifice, plus one scar. Good as new. Look, even check out the surgery site.
When I was done, I gave Tiger back to Bender. And I gave the tail to the KZ. Why go through the trouble to repair him, only to give him back to his torturer? Because I'm macabre! But with toys! (Plus, who can resist this?)